Reflection

It's been two and a half years since I last posted on this blog, and much more than that since I really put any sort of time or effort into it. A few weeks ago I pulled my URL out of the recesses of my memory and looked back over my posts throughout the years, and found this one: http://mandisolomon.blogspot.com/2013/03/hey.html .

I typed out those words when I was sixteen years old. Do I believe that I was unusually eloquent, open-minded, brave, ambitious? Not really. But I was me, unabashedly at that time, and now four years later I miss that girl. She was nearly four years younger than I am now with a lot of growing up to do, but I know that I've since lost some important things. Only temporarily, I hope.

The past has always been both a friend and a heartbreak to me, an ephemeral presence my fingertips can only brush against. I treasure the good times that I can never again return to, and while I'm excited, hopeful, and passionately invested in the future, there's a security and comfort that accompanies who I used to be, while my present self seldomly fits just right.

I don't regret the hours I put into the layout and posts and photos on this blog (#sparklesandsuchforever) because it is my own personal amber record, a snapshot, however incomplete, of my progression (and, sometimes, regression). Different mediums bring out, for me, different angles, and it's my hope that in the future I'll be able to use this blog not for followers or social influence, but for a personal means of introspection.